the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
