I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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