my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
