I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize