kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
