She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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