I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
