how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
