Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
