I think I died a long time ago.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
