you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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