I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
