I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
