This house was built for laser tag.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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