Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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