Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
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I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
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ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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