so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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