direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize