you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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