dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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