she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
