Buhtt sex?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
