I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
