The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
