dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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