either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
