I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
