i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
where are my eyebrows?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
