i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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