Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
