I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
