Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
