well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
