He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just had sex on a roof
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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