Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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