Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
