Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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