I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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