i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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