I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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