I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
