i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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