did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
