I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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