Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
