WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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