you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
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I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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