I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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