We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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