We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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