My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
