Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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