I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize