we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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