At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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