If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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