Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just cropdusted the office
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
