i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
