So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
