The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
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don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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