I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
