I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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