I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
