well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
