i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
