I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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