You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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