im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
