i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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